PTHD - post traumatic hero disorder
by HopelessDove
Summary: PTHD - post traumatic hero disorder. Percy's disassociation from the person he used to be and his journey of growth over the course of his senior year.


**Story Playlist:**

Sex - The 1975

Homesick - Catfish and the Bottlemen

Where No One Goes - Jonsi

chl03k - Modern Baseball

* * *

**PTHD**

**_post traumatic hero disorder_**

_noun_

_definition: a condition of persistent mental and emotional stress in result of becoming the hero of a war at too young an age. typically involving disturbance of sleep and constant vivid recall of tatarus, with dulled responses to others and to the outside world. _

example: see _Percy Jackson_

* * *

It started in the quiet moments. Percy and Annabeth would go out for a walk in the park, and while Annabeth would stare at the city, Percy would stare at Annabeth.

Her golden curls blew softly in the evening air, there was a soft smile on her face. With the soft golden light, she almost looked angelic. It wasn't difficult to believe she was a child of a goddess. Boys turned to stare at her as they walked by, green with envy for the black haired man with his arm around her.

As Percy stares at her, he frowns as he thinks of the paths their fates lead.

* * *

Percy wasn't exactly sure what changed, but when he managed to get back to school for his senior year, things were different. _He _was different.

He was quiet, more reserved _(not like he didn't already know that),_ a better student. Captain of the swim and water polo teams, star player on the basketball team, miraculously taking two APs, straight As. It was strange. His teachers noticed, his mom and Paul noticed, hell, _he made honor roll! _Schools were recruiting him, hounding him down so he would give their college a chance. For once, he wasn't the _dumb _one.

It felt much better than he thought it would.

Annabeth would be so surprised. He considered IMing her to tell her the news. He stared at the drachma in his hand for a moment, the image of steely grey eyes glaring at him in a patronizing way filling his mind, before frowning and shoving the coin away.

* * *

He would space out at school and think of times where he was held captive in his own realm, or remember when he was surrounded by fire and heat and _hell_ with the agonizing screams of stormy eyes filling his ears.

_"Percy, are you okay?"_

And he'd remember he was just in his AP Bio class and _of course _he's okay and his lab partner, Valerie, is smiling at him and her blue eyes are concerned and he shrugs off the terrors of the war for the time being.

* * *

It was one of the rare times they were together in person again, Annabeth studying and Percy staring out the window, his work completed hours before when he was alone.

"Percy, are you okay?" Annabeth randomly asks, putting her books down for a moment.

Percy turned to look at her and slowly blinked. She was void of any emotion, her eyes only holding a detached curiosity, as one would hold for a science project. He holds back a snort.

"Yeah, just thinking," he replies, shooting her a ghost of his old crooked grin. He is as void of emotion as she is.

"I didn't know you could do that, Seaweed Brain!" she teases, her grey eyes cold and her voice not it's usual lighthearted lilt. It was as if she seriously couldn't believe he could think.

"Yeah, I can," Percy says with a shrug and turns back to the window.

There's a pregnant pause between the two, the silence foreign.

"Homecoming's next week, wanna go with me?" Percy blurts out suddenly, his sea green eyes meeting her steel grey.

Annabeth smiles in her patronizing way, "Sorry Percy, I would but I'm too busy. I have to study, then I have to go to Olympus..."

Percy tunes her out, shrugging and turning to face the window again as she continues on about how busy she is. In truth, Percy didn't expect her to say she would go, he only asked because that was expected of him. He is still not willing to acknowledge his relief.

* * *

Percy was made Homecoming King that year, and Valerie from Bio was made Homecoming queen.

He does not think of Annabeth or Camp or Olympus at all while he is dancing with his friends and drinking and smoking pot. For the first time in a while, the war is not on the forefront of his mind, and he is happy.

* * *

Whenever Percy visited camp, Poseidon was always there to talk about how proud he was proud of him, calling him _my boy_ and talking to him about the future he planned for him. Graduate in the mortal world, become a god on his birthday, take his rightful place as Poseidon's heir and a god on Mount Olympus.

_Percy didn't want that_. Percy couldn't talk about sports, about how he was doing great in school, about how colleges were recruiting him and how he was still trying to figure out what he wanted to go for. Everybody just expected Percy to be the same person he was before the war.

He'd smile and nod to appease his father, and Chiron would anxiously watch and occasionally catch Percy's eyes before solemnly nodding and trotting away.

Everybody thought Percy was the same as he was before. The problem was, Percy wasn't sure if he wanted to be that Percy anymore.

* * *

Percy Jackson sees fire and hell and stormy grey eyes when he sleeps. He hears anguished screams and the sounds of war and sees flaming rivers and monsters following him in the dark. He wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, his heart pounding in his chest. He does not sleep peacefully until he starts taking sleeping pills to keep the night demons at bay.

* * *

Percy assumed it started after Homecoming. He didn't used to smoke or drink or party, he was usually reserved to himself and his few close friends. But then the war happened and he could no longer handle the silence the darkness holds or the ring of a phone he knew wouldn't be answered.

The pounding music and the buzz from a drink and the occasional joint made him feel free and numb and he was able to smile and enjoy himself in a place where the war and the horrors of Tartarus and grey eyes did not haunt him.

* * *

Winter Formal was coming up, and girls were hounding Percy to be their date, but Percy asked Annabeth because that was what was expected of him. He swallowed his disappointment when she actually said yes.

He takes note of the tense tone in Val's voice when they talk about formal. Percy is going with Annabeth, Val isn't planning on going, something about how it sucks every year.

He did not know why he was so bothered by that.

* * *

It was the night of winter formal when he finally acknowledged that he couldn't keep trying to live as both the old Percy and the new Percy. He couldn't go on pretending that the resentment and anger churning through him didn't exist, he could not pretend that he did not have nightmares of the war or feel resentful of what he missed.

He swallows the bile rising in his throat and takes out the special phones Hephaestus made, calling Annabeth after over half an hour of waiting for her. There's an answer after nine rings.

"Hey, Annabeth, um-"

"Who is this?"

He called Annabeth, but this deep and irritated growl most definitely wasn't her.

"Percy. I called Annabeth, put her on the line."

The guy grumbled, but he could hear Annabeth snap at him over the line and take the phone.

"Percy, hi!" she chirped, her voice an unfitting falsetto.

"Hey. Um, I was just wondering where you are, since it's Winter Formal and you said you'd go with me. You're obviously busy though."

There's a tense silence, and he hears the unknown boy mumble on the other line as Annabeth harshly hushes him.

"I'm sorry, Percy. I completely forgot. I-"

"It's fine, whatever. Keep doing whatever you're doing, I'll go with a friend. Bye, Annabeth," and he hangs up the phone.

He sits alone in his quiet room for a few moments before standing up, tossing his blazer over his shoulder, and walking out to the living room.

"She's here?" Sally perks up, smiling at her son as Paul looks at him over his book.

"No, she's not coming at all. I'm going to head out now, love you," and he kisses his mom on the cheek, and she smiles after him as he walks out of the room and his stepfather smiles slightly down at his book.

His mortal family worries for him greatly, the war changed things, but at least he was enjoying life again.

* * *

He pulls up in front of her house and knocks on her door. She opens it five seconds later, decked out in sweats and her auburn hair up in a bun

"Percy, what are you doing here?" she asks, surprise clear in her eyes.

"Valerie, do you want to go to formal with me?"

She's shocked, and he can see her parents staring at the door in confusion. She quickly closes the door and steps outside.

"Okay, explain. Where's your girlfriend"

"She bailed on me, pretty sure she's cheating on me to be honest. I don't care though, which is probably really bad, but I don't care about that either. I'd rather go with you. So, go with me?"

Val stares at him for a moment before a small smile crosses her face.

"Come in, I'll be ready in ten minutes," she says, taking him in by the hand and leading her to the living room. "Mom, Dad, this is Percy, he's going to take me to formal."

Her parents eyebrows shoot up in surprise before her mom grins and her father turns to analyze him.

"Good evening, Mister and Missus Larsen," Percy greeted, bowing his head.

"Oh, it's so nice to meet you, Percy! Please, call me Kate. You sit down dear, I'll bring you something. Are you hungry? Thirst? Oh, blast it all, I'll just bring you something," Kate rambled, not hearing Percy's insist that he's fine before rushing to the kitchen.

Percy hesitantly sits down in one of the comfortable chairs in the living room, Mr. Larsen's eyes trailing his every mood. He tapped his foot anxiously, his back stiff. Being watched reminds him of Tartarus, it puts him on edge. He looks around the room, taking note of the family pictures adorning the wall and the single picture of Mr. Larsen in military uniform.

"Relax, boy, there's nothing to be afraid of here," Mr. Larsen suddenly said, chuckling.

"Sorry, Sir, I'm a naturally anxious person," Percy explained, turning to face him again.

Mr. Larsen is quiet for a moment, analyzing Percy.

"You don't seem the type to be naturally anxious. You're the same anxious that one is after a horrible war."

Percy flinches but stays silent, and Mr. Larsen keeps staring at him. Percy isn't sure how, but by the time Val comes back downstairs, he is actively engaged in conversation with her whole family and is playing legos with her younger brother, Luca.

"Percy, you ready?" Val asks, amused. Percy grins up at her and nods, his breath catching when he takes note of how beautiful she looks in her dark blue dress.

"Let's go."

Her mother and brother give them a hug before they leave, and her father kisses her forehead and claps Percy on the shoulder.

"Get her home safe," Mr. Larsen murmurs.

"I will, sir," Percy nods.

Before he closes the door, Mr. Larsen says one last thing. "Percy, remember, you're a teenager, not a wounded soldier."

Percy keeps Mr. Larsen's words in the back of his mind all night while he spins Val around the dance floor and laughs with their friends, and for the first time in a while he passes on the blunt and the beer at the after party, because he promised a father he'd get his daughter home safe.

As Percy drives home that night, a crooked grin on his face, he thinks maybe Mr. Larsen was right about a few things.

* * *

Two days later, Percy meets with Annabeth in Central Park.

For the first time since Tartarus, Percy is able to look Annabeth in the eye for more than a second. Her eyes are still the same cold, detached grey. She is so different, _he _is so different. And as different as Percy may be from the person he used to be, he was still loyal to a fault.

It is much easier to break up with cold steel than he thought it would be.

The skies are a stormy grey as he walks home, but he does not notice as he smiles and thinks of dark blue flecked with ice.

* * *

He's just leaving school when they confront him.

"Hey, Percy," they greet, leaning against a flaming red Maserati Spyder. Percy sends his friends off with a wave and walks over to them.

"Hermes, Apollo," Percy greets, his smile tense. He is on better terms with Apollo and Hermes than he is with most Olympians, especially after his sudden split with Annabeth. Still, they are Olympians and he does not feel as at ease around the gods as he did before the war.

"You're planning something, Percy," Hermes whispers.

"Something to get away from, well, everything," Apollo finishes.

Percy remains silent, so different a reaction from the Percy they used to know. They know this is the only answer they will receive.

"We want to help," Hermes suddenly blurts out, and Percy's eyes shoot up to meet theirs.

"How can you? Why would you" Percy asks, stunned. No matter how kind some of the gods may be, the Olympians were selfish and were not known to help unless they had something to gain.

"Because you're our friend," Apollo answers.

"You've sacrificed a lot for us Percy, you should have to sacrifice your mortality as well," Hermes murmurs.

Percy nods slowly.

"Thank you.

"We'll help you and keep your secret, we swear by the Styx," Apollo proclaimed as Hermes nodded his consent. Thunder rumbled in the distance.

"Please, promise you'll protect my mom and Paul for me," Percy asked after a moment.

The two nodded, and Percy bade them farewell before turning back to his friends

* * *

"You know, you remind me of Hiccup," Val suddenly blurts out as they watch _How to Train Your Dragon_.

"Hmm?" Percy hums, looking down at her and continuing to play with their intertwined fingers.

"Yeah, you remind me of him. People always expected him to act a certain way and they always underestimated him, and he always tried to be what they wanted, but he was so much more than what they thought and he was a hero. I feel like everybody acts the same way about you, but you exceed their expectations and prove them wrong by being yourself. You are infinitely better than the idea they have of you."

Percy stops playing with their fingers for a moment and his sea-green eyes meet her deep blue, and Percy feels the sudden urge to kiss Val, so he does. For the first time, the horrors of the war do not haunt the corners of his mind. All that's on Percy's mind is the thought of her lips on his and how soft her russet hair is and how she's tugging on his hair and biting his lip and _dear gods is this what love feels like?_

* * *

It was one month until graduation when shit hit the fan and he was summoned to Olympus.

His fate truly was set in stone, he was to be made an immortal that day alongside Annabeth. But he was just about to decide which school he was going to and he was going to have fun in college and live life a mortal and _they couldn't take this from him!_

"Please, let me have my graduation a mortal, let me live my life," he pleads, and the gods frown down at him and his father didn't look as proud for a moment, but they concede. He is to be made a god on the summer solstice, three days after his graduation.

Percy shoots Apollo and Hermes a panicked look and they subtly nodded. Percy Jackson had to set his plan into action, and soon, for he had less time than he thought.

* * *

The two met in a music club on the side of town. Percy fit in perfectly, his dark clothes allowing him to hide in a dark corner of the club as he tapped his foot in time with the rock band playing. He scanned the club, tensing slightly when he noticed a man with long black hair and pale skin walking towards him. The two stood next to each other for a moment, watching the band playing.

"Why did you wish to meet me, Jackson," Hades drawled, scowling at his brother's son.

Percy couldn't help but smirk. As much as he fit in, his uncle fit even more.

"I would like to ask a favor of you, Uncle. Please," Percy pleaded, finally turning from the band.

Hades nodded slowly, analyzing his nephew for a moment before responding.

"You wish to escape godhood," he noted, his nephew turning to face the music again after giving him a tense nod. "How do you expect me to be able to help with that?"

"I don't," Percy murmured, giving his uncle a sidelong glance. "I would like you to hide my presence from the shadows. I don't exist within them, if I were to travel through them it would be impossible to find me."

Hades froze and stared at his nephew for a moment. It was true, if he were to give Percy a partial blessing, he could shadow travel wherever he wished. Nobody would be able to track him, Hades himself included. This was a smart plan, a cunning plan, a very un-Percy plan.

He smiled wickedly.

"I give you my blessing, Percy Jackson. May you travel safely through the shadows, unseen."

"Thank you, Uncle," Percy said, bowing his head in thanks. Hades was about to turn to leave when Percy spoke again. "Wait, Uncle. I'm sorry, but I must ask one more favor of you. I was once told to always take an oath on the Styx. Swear by it that you will never digress of this meeting to anybody, anything. Please."

His uncle calculated him for a moment before nodding.

"I swear by the Styx and the rivers of Tartarus itself."

Percy flinched, but nodded as his uncle turned to leave.

* * *

"Okay, so you've already eliminated every school par USC, UCLA, and UC Berkeley, and I still have those along with NYU and Stanford," Val reasoned as she looked at the list in front of her.

"Sounds about right," Percy mumbled, his eyes closed as he runs his fingers through her hair. For once, he's actually relaxed, and thoughts of Tartarus do not fill the recesses of his mind. His eyes open slightly and he turns to Val, taking note of how the sun filtering in through the window sets her russet hair on fire and makes her eyes sparkle. "You're beautiful."

She smiles and blushes, turning to Percy and kissing him softly on the cheek. "You're such a dork."

He smiles at her for a moment, a full on Percy crooked grin, and he feels his heart clench in a way it only did before the War.

"You know, I got an offer from Stanford too..."

* * *

It was in the light of day when he his next business rendezvous, next to the pond in central park.

"Percy Jackson, what is it that you wished to meet with me for?" a woman in a white sundress asked as Percy came to stand next to her.

"Aunt Hera," he greeted, bowing his head to her in respect.

"What is it that you want, Jackson," she snaps, glaring at her nephew.

He let out a sigh before nodding tensely, meeting her eyes.

"You cloaked me from the gods of Olympus before, would you please do so again?"

Her eyes widen in surprise, shocked that he dare to mention the time she had hidden him away to bring the camps together. All knew he was resentful of the fact that he missed eight months of his life due to the Queen of Olympus. Few would be surprised he was trying to escape the gods.

"Why should I do that, Hero," she sneers, quickly gaining her composure.

"You know why, Hera."

His sea green eyes are cold, and she notes that he is much taller now, with the air of a veteran soldier around him. This is not the boy she put into hiding a year before, this is a man who has lived a war and faces its horrors every night.

"I will do it; the moment your graduation ceremony ends, you will be cloaked. I swear by the Styx to do so."

Now it is his turn to be surprised, he did not expect compliance so quickly.

"Thank you, Aunt Hera."

"Do not thank me yet, Jackson," Hera murmurs before turning away and disappearing in a flash behind the trees.

* * *

When Percy asked Val to prom, he did not feel apprehension or resentment rise in his chest when she said yes, and grey eyes were the furthest thing from the girl on his mind.

Percy Jackson and Valerie Larsen were made Prom King and Queen and spent the night kissing and dancing and drinking and laughing with their friends. Percy Jackson felt free, the remaining horrors of the war floating away and his soul grounded by the girl at his side, refusing to let him float after his past.

* * *

Percy Jackson's final stand is not a big bang, it is not a dramatic event with cheers and tears and the weight of the Olympus on his shoulders.

Percy Jackson graduates with the rest of his class, one of the best students in his year. He parties with his friends one last time - and no, he did not pass on the blunt and a couple of beers this time. He goes on one last New York date with Val before sharing a heartfelt goodbye with his mortal family and leaving for California on Mrs. O'Leary's back.

Percy Jackson the Hero's final stand was a quiet affair, it was a young war-torn hero's decision to slowly fade into the background. By the time Percy Jackson started his new life at Stanford with Val Larsen by his side, Percy Jackson the Hero was long dead, the horrors of Tartarus, the burdens of the Olympians, and the ghost of grey eyes buried with him.

* * *

**Hey everybody! Long time no chat. I had this idea for a one shot and I just had to write it. I kinda like the idea of a more realistic "Percy tells the Olympians to fuck off" than the usual him running away cliche. As of now, this is a one shot, but I might add a few more chapters in the future. As you can see, I started a "story playlist" thing. Those are just the songs I listened to while writing. Hope you all enjoyed, and thank you for readining! (: ~Nikki**

**Disclaimer: I don't own jack shit**


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